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Warriors Crazy Cat Show
Cast List ‘Leader’~In random episodes Hailstar: Shimmering white she-cat with pure blue eyes and light silver streaks along her spine and flank. Responsible, smart, and sensible. ‘Hosts’~In every episode Silversmoke: Jet black she-cat with bright green eyes and a white tail. Violent, crazy, and maniacal. Emberash: Dark ginger she-cat with golden eyes. Wild, fun-loving, and relatively stupid. Jayeye: Brown tabby tom with sizzling green eyes. Dull, simple, and boring. Eaglefoot: Orange tabby tom with gray eyes. Annoyingly smart, nerdy, and British. =D ‘Co-Hosts’~In practically every episode Falconpaw: Chocolate brown she-cat with amber eyes. Stupid, not easy to understand, and obsessive over looks. '' '''Spicepaw:' Russet red she-cat with pale green eyes. Relatively smart, lively, and caring. Boulderpaw: ''Stone gray tom with one sky blue eye and one grassy green eye. Party-like, hyper, and nutty.'' ‘Camera Cats’~Seen for a short period in pretty much every episode Cinnamonwhisker: Light ginger-and-tortoiseshell she-cat with green-gold eyes. Loving, affectionate, and flirty. Parsleymist: Black and white patched tom with slivery eyes. Annoying, pesky, and indecisive. ‘Security Cats’~Seen randomly around the show Petalpelt: Pinkish-gray she-cat with foggy blue eyes. Scary, stalker-ish, and creepy. Jackalfur: Golden dappled tom with amber eyes. Brave, strong, and obnoxious. Season One: Episode One: Bump….bump….bump…. *Camera turns on and all you see is a giant cat eye* Parsleymist: Cinnamonwhisker, is this recording? *A light ginger-and-tortoiseshell she-cat turns from the broken camera she is fixing and looks over at the black and white cat* Cinnamonwhisker: Yeah, I think so. The red light’s on. Parsleymist: Fox Dung! How long has it been recording? Cinnamonwhisker: About a minute. *talking to herself* I should really get that beepy thing that bleeps out the bad words fixed….. Parsleymist: Oops…..*flips camera to an area of the room where four cats are sitting. One cat, a dark ginger she-cat, is drinking a mocha latte’ and has whipped cream all over her nose. Another cat, a jet black she-cat, is holding a rifle without any ammo in it and constantly whacking an orange tabby tom with it. He is batting her away with sheathed claws. Another cat, a brown tabby tom, is just sitting there with a dull look in his eyes. Three other, smaller cats, are walking around in the back of the room. The gray tom and russet she-cat are practicing their lines quietly to themselves, and a chocolate brown she-cat is humming a stupid song while she bangs into a wall. Two other cats are sitting near the left side of the room, barely in view of the camera. A pinkish-gray she-cat is bothering the other cat, a golden dappled tom, by asking him where he lives. He keeps talking about how great he is, trying to talk over her. Lastly, a white she-cat is sitting way in the back of the room, watching it all. She is barely visible.* Cinnamonwhisker: Hey! Yoohoo! Hello? We’ve been rolling for two minutes! Let’s get this going! *Everyone freezes, and they all leave except for the four cats in the center* Cinnamonwhisker: *obviously annoyed* SPEAK ALREADY! *The four cats sitting in the center of the room look up, surprised looks in their eyes* Silversmoke: *pushing the rifle behind her* Hi, I’m Silversmoke! Eaglefoot: *rubbing head in pain* My name is Eaglefoot! Emberash: *batting latte away and licking the whipped cream off her nose* I’m Emberash! Jayeye: *looking bored* I’m Jayeye. Silversmoke: You’re watching the Warriors Crazy Cat Show! It’s very similar to Dare shows, but….. Emberash: *cutting her off* You’ll soon see why we call it the Crazy Cat show. Silversmoke: Anyways, we’re proud to present the co-hosts, Spicepaw, Boulderpaw, and, erm, *voice gets a little less enthusiastic* Falconpaw! *The three smaller cats enter* Spicepaw: Hello! I’m Spicepaw! For today’s show, the hosts have asked us to read some of the dares to practice and become better at doing so! Boulderpaw: We are co-hosts, being trained to become hosts on the show. We can’t wait until the day when we become hosts! Falconpaw: *bumps head on ground in a steady rhythm, singing along with it* bump…bump…..bump…. Boulderpaw: Falconpaw, you’re supposed to say your line now! Falconpaw: bump………bump……….bump…….bump……… Boulderpaw: Okay…… Spicepaw: *shoves a sloppily hand-written copy of the script in front of Falconpaw’s face* Now read! Falconpaw: *bumps head on script* bump….bump…bump…. Spicepaw: Um….well…she’s supposed to say that we will be helping around on the show and when we become hosts we will start to take over the show. Falconpaw: bump…..bump….bump….. Boulderpaw: *exploding with obvious rage* WOULD YOU STOP?! Falconpaw: *shrinks back…voice fades* bump? Boulderpaw: Spicepaw, keep reading. *pushes Falconpaw behind the curtain. Yelling is heard, and Boulderpaw storms back on, followed by Falconpaw, who is still bumping her head on the ground* Spicepaw: Okay, now, here we go with the first dare. It is for Tigerstar. Tigerstar? TIGERSTAR? Eaglefoot: I believe you must use your teleportaiton powers by the slight wave of your posterior end in order to make the cat by the name of Tigerstar appear. Spicepaw: Erm…… Falconpaw: bump….bump….bump…. Jayeye: Wave your tail. Spicepaw: *waves tail slightly* Okay, now where…… *Tigerstar poofs onstage randomly, oblivious to the fact that he is there until he sees Falconpaw bumping her head* Tigerstar: Where in the world am I? Spicepaw: You’re on the Warrior’s Crazy Cat Show! Tigerstar: Well why do you need me? Spicepaw: We’re going to dare you! Tigerstar: Dare me? To do what? Spicepaw: *takes out an envelope and opens it* You have to mimick everything Falconpaw does for one minute. Tigerstar: *glances at Falconpaw bumping her head* Easy! Spicepaw: Wait just a minute! Watch this. *Feeds Falconpaw a cup of sugar. She immediately runs everywhere, crashing into walls and bashing her face on every hard surface in sight* Tigerstar: What if I say no? Spicepaw: *flicks her ear to the left* That happens. *Silversmoke is holding a bazooka, fully loaded, with an aim set on Tigerstar. Her paw is on the trigger* Tigerstar: GAH! Fine! I’ll mimick the little idiot! *Falconpaw smashes against wall after wall, trips all over herself, and, after about 45 seconds, she calms down and resumes her head bumping. Tigerstar has done exactly this.* Falconpaw: bump….bump….bump…. Tigerstar: bump….bump….bump…. Spicepaw: *presses a button on a stopwatch* Okay, you’re done. *An exhaused Tigerstar flops down on the ground and starts panting. His face is bleeding in two different places, his nose is dislocated and he has broken a paw.* Spicepaw: Hold on a second….*she pulls out a book and reads quietly to herself, so low you can’t understand her* Okay, um….let’s see…..*she puts the book down and pads over to Tigerstar. She rolls him across the floor and through a small hole near the right back corner of the room. She pushes a tile back over the hole. Two seconds later, Tigerstar poofs up in front of them, as healthy as he was before the dare* Tigerstar: Great StarClan, I’ll never understand this show. *pads offstage* Spicepaw: Now it’s Boulderpaw’s turn to read a dare! Silversmoke: *cutting in* Wait a second! Spicepaw: What? Silversmoke: Emberash needs to say something! Emberash: Uh, thanks, Silversmoke. Listen, we want to make one thing clear to our viewers. Nobody will remain hurt on this show, or die either. Silversmoke: Awww…… *Everyone gives Silversmoke an odd look and she clamps her paws over her mouth* Silversmoke: Did I just say that out loud? Emberash: Yeah, you did. Spicepaw: Can Boulderpaw read his dare off now? Emberash: Sure. *Boulderpaw takes Spicepaw’s place, obviously excited, but before he can say anything, Petalpelt and Jackalfur run in front of him* Petalpelt: Oooh….we’re rolling….*stares into camera demonically* Jackalfur: There has been a disturbance! Everyone must evacuate to the area behind the curtains! *Everyone panics and runs backstage. Parsleymist brings the camera back with him, followed by Petalpelt, who is now laughing creepily and asking if the viewers could please send her their addresses. Parsleymist pushes her away and gives her a camera they aren’t filming with, so she can stay occupied. It is dark backstage, and everyone is silent until the lights come on.* Eaglefoot: What are we doing back here? *More cats begin to yell the same thing until the room is abuzz with noise* Hailstar: QUIET! *Everyone gasps and stops talking* Hailstar: I believe we would all like to know one thing, Jackalfur. *she picks her way among the cats, walking towards Jackalfur with a serious look in her eyes* Why did you drag us back here? Jackalfur: Hailstar! Well, you see, uh Hailstar: Spit it out, Jackalfur! Jackalfur: There’s a suspicious cat outside the studio. Hailstar: What did he do that made you suspicious? Jackalfur: He said I wasn’t the most handsome cat ever! Hailstar: Is that all? Jackalfur: Yes. Hailstar: You stopped the show for this? Jackalfur: Well, Parsleymist is filming us back here, so the show isn’t technically stopped….but yes, I brought you back here because of that. *Hailstar looks as if she’s about to explode. Instead, she turns to Silversmoke and nods at her. Everyone steps out of her way, leaving a clear area inbetween her and Jackalfur. Silversmoke pulls out a spiked club and chases Jackalfur with it* Hailstar: Unfortunately, that’s all we have time for today. The co-hosts will resume reading their dares next episode. Goodbye! Sorry, as of now you cannot submit staff. You may submit dares, but remember that no cat will stay dead or injured. I also will not accept any graphic dares or dares about “so and so having kits with so and so” or anything of the sort. If you so submit one of those dares, I will report you. I want to keep this rated T, for mild violence people, not M! Season One, Episode Two: Caroling in July? *Camera turns on and pans to a small stage where one cat is standing in a Santa hat* Silversmoke: One cat. One hat. One dream. One boring day. One boring day with a cat wearing a hat having a dream in July. That cat is me, Silversmoke. You see, I may be demonic during most times of the day, but I still love Christmas carols. And around this time every year, I get sad. Sad that it’s July, and there are no more carols to be sung. So today, Hailstar decided….. Emberash: *from offstage* Against her better judgment! Silversmoke: *ignoring Emberash* to let me do a caroling show for you today. *Throws confetti* *Emberash, Jayeye, Eaglefoot, Falconpaw, Boulderpaw and Spicepaw enter wearing Santa hats. The girls are wearing glasses and dresses, and the guys are wearing bears and boots.* Eaglefoot: We will be having a popular Warriors cat come in to sing carols to us later, but for now, we are going to sing for you! *Audience cries out in sadness* Eaglefoot: It is truly better than you think. Jayeye: Our first stupid Christmas carol is our stupid version of Rudolph the stupid Red-nosed Reindeer, and we have been stupid and stupidly named it Jay-jay the blind medicine cat. Jayfeather: *from nowhere in particular* What? *Cat’s begin singing* You know Leafpool, and Cinderpelt, and Yellowfang, and Spottedleaf! Littlecloud and Runningnose and Mothwing and Goosefeather! But do you recall, the blindest medicine cat of all? Jay-jay the blind medicine cat, Had very, very hazy blue eyes! (Like blue clouds!) And if you ever saw him, He wouldn’t be able to see you (No, he wouldn’t!) All of the newest warriors Used to laugh and call him names! (Like blindy!) They never let poor Jay-jay Join in any big battles! (Like with ShadowClan!) Then one rainy new-leaf day, '' ''Firestar came to say (I miss my twolegs!) “Jay-jay with your healing herbs, Won’t you come and battle tonight?” (Yeah!) Then all the sticks, they loved him! (Loved him!) And they shouted out with glee “Imma stick!” (What?) Jay-jay the blind medicine cat, you’ll go down in history! (Like SkyClan!) Falconpaw: Falalalala, lalalala! Spicepaw: For once, I agree with Falconpaw. Shall we sing Deck the Halls? Boulderpaw: You mean Win Them All? Spicepaw: Yeah! *All three co-hosts sing* Win, them all those important battles! Falalalala, lalalala! ‘Tis the day we get more land! Falalalala, lalalala! Now they know not to come again! Falala, lalala, la, la, la! Tell the kits they cannot come! Falalalala, lalalala! Silversmoke: I like that one! Now here is Hailstar’s amazing solo, the 12 Days of Christmas. *Hailstar clears throat and sings in a pure voice* On the first day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, '' ''A squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the second day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Two lovely rabbits, And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the third day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Three herb bundles, Two lovely rabbits, And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the fourth day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Four little mice, Three herb bundles, Two lovely rabbits, And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the fifth day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Five new kits! Four little mice, Three herb bundles, Two lovely rabbits, And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the sixth day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Six pretty flowers, Five new kits! Four little mice, Three herb bundles, Two lovely rabbits, And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the seventh day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Seven piles of bedding, Six pretty flowers, Five new kits! Four little mice, '' ''Three herb bundles, Two lovely rabbits, And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the eighth day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Eight soft feathers, Seven piles of bedding, Six pretty flowers, Five new kits! Four little mice, Three herb bundles, Two lovely rabbits, '' ''And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the ninth day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Nine fresh sparrows, Eight soft feathers, Seven piles of bedding, Six pretty flowers, Five new kits! Four little mice, Three herb bundles, Two lovely rabbits, And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the tenth day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Ten shiny stones, Nine fresh sparrows, Eight soft feathers, Seven piles of bedding, Six pretty flowers, Five new kits! Four little mice, Three herb bundles, Two lovely rabbits, And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the eleventh day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Eleven little twigs, Ten shiny stones, Nine fresh sparrows, Eight soft feathers, Seven piles of bedding, Six pretty flowers, Five new kits! Four little mice, Three herb bundles, Two lovely rabbits, And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! On the twelfth day of Christmas, my mate he gave to me, Twelve StarClan prayers, Eleven little twigs, Ten shiny stones, Nine fresh sparrows, Eight soft feathers, Seven piles of bedding, Six pretty flowers, Five new kits! Four little mice, Three herb bundles, Two lovely rabbits, And a squirrel from the nearest oak tree! Emberash: So, now you have twelve squirrels from the nearest oak tree, twenty-two lovely rabbits, thirty herb bundles, thirty-six little mice, forty new kits, ooh wait, that probably wasn’t fun, uh, forty-two pretty flowers, forty-two piles of bedding, forty soft feathers, thirty-six fresh sparrows, thirty shiny stones, twenty-two little twigs and twelve StarClan prayers. LUCKY! Hailstar: Er, yeah........... Jayeye: Now welcome our stupid popular cat, the stupid singer of Ivypool. Also welcome her stupid sister, Dovewing. *Ivypool and Dovewing run onstage, Dovewing is grinning like an idiot and Ivypool’s eyes are the size of the moon.* Ivypool: Oh my gosh, I’m on TV!” Dovewing: Heehee Ivypool: Are you okay? Dovewing: Yep. Ivypool: Well, shall I begin singing something? Dovewing: Sing Jingle Bells! Ivypool: Ah, you mean Warriors! Alright! *Ivypool stands up tall and wraps a ribbon with bells on it around her tail as she begins to sing* Dashing through the woods On all of my four paws Over the pebbles I go Mewing all the way! (Mew! Mew! Mew!) Autumn leaves crumple Making loud, loud sounds What fun it is to mew and sing A running song today! *Dovewing steps up and joins Ivypool in singing* Oh! Warriors, warriors, How we love to run! Oh, what fun it is to run On all of my four paws! Warriors, warriors, How we love to run! Oh, what fun it is to run on all of my four paws! *Ivypool steps back, giving Dovewing a solo* Dovewing: Solo!? What!!?!??!?!?!??!? NO! Bring the Dark Forest in for their song. Silversmoke: Hey! You don’t have a say in what we do on this show! Get away! GO! NOW! *Dovewing and Ivypool scamper offstage* Silversmoke: Well, she was right. Yo, Tigerstar! Get your lousy choir out here! *Tigerstar leads Darkstripe, Brokenstar, Mapleshade, Thistleclaw, Hawkfrost, Antpelt, and Clawface onstage. They are all grumbling, but Tigerstar has his pudding face on.* Silversmoke: Uh, Tigerstar? Tigerstar: *Happily* Yes? Silversmoke: Are you……..mentally……stable right now? Tigerstar: *Suddenly gets angry* WHY THE DARK FOREST WOULD YOU ASK ME THAT! Silversmoke: *Ignoring the anger* That, Tigerkitty, was a girly outburst. Tigerstar: *Enraged* WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!??! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! Silversmoke: *Calmly pulls out a bazooka the size of Fourtrees* Say again? Tigerstar: *Squeals like a little girly kit* Okay…hehe…anyway, the Dark Choir and I are going to sing our version of Jingle Bell Rock, called “Kill A Cat Rock” *Tigerstar begins singing and conducting the choir, who sings with ragged, disgusting voices, all besides Hawkfrost, who is singing angelically* Kill a cat, kill a cat, kill a cat rock! Kill a cat soon and kill a cat now! Scratching, and biting up gallons of blood! Now the deadly hop has begun! Kill a cat, kill a cat, kill a cat rock! Kill a cat time and kill a cat grime! Writhing and thrashing under our grasp! On the bloody grass! What a dark night, With no light, We can kill a cat tonight! Kill a cat time is a swell time To go running in the blood-stained grass. Hurry up, murder cat, unsheathe your claws. Kill that cat, don’t be late! Scratch and thrash in the bloody grass, That’s the kill a cat! That’s the kill a cat! That’s the kill a cat rock! Hawkfrost: Yeah! Let’s go get Firestar! *Every cat in the choir cheers and runs away* Emberash: Not our problem. Eaglefoot: Let’s introduce our Camera Cats and Security Cats for a Christmas-In-July Message! *Parsleymist, Cinnamonwhisker, Petalpelt and Jackalfur come onstage* Parsleymist: SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! Cinnamonwhisker: Christmas in July has ENDED! YES!! WHOOHOO! YAY! YEAH!! YIPPEE! HAHA!!!! WHOO! WOW! Silversmoke: What!? Noooooooooo! *Starts sobbing spastically* Petalpelt: You see, it’s almost midnight by now, and I need to go stalk another cat now, so we ended it. Jackalfur: Me and my beauty are going caroling…..in December. Goodbye! *Everybody besides Spicepaw and Hailstar leaves, throwing their hats on the ground, Silversmoke rolls in them and cries as she is dragged offstage* Spicepaw: Well, I guess I’m concluding the show tonight. Hailstar: *softly* Spicepaw, why don’t you go. *Herds her along* Bye! *Camera cuts out* Season One, Episode Three: Falconpaw’s Thoughts *The camera pans in on Spicepaw, who is dragging Falconpaw onstage by the scruff of her neck. Falconpaw is struggling and whining. Boulderpaw is padding behind, while the four hosts are already sitting center stage. Suddenly, Parsleymist appears in front of the camera, licks the lens, rubs it with his paw, and then pans to center stage, getting out of the shot.* Emberash: Welcome back to our show! Today, we are having the most dangerous co-host give us her thoughts on various aspects of life. Please note that this was Silversmoke’s idea, so it will probably go downhill. Hailstar has given us permission to restrain Falconpaw if needed. *Spicepaw finally succeeds in getting Falconpaw to the center of the stage.* Spicepaw: Alright. We kept her away from the Nerds, Pixie Stix, and Lemonheads so I’m betting we’re good on the sugar high. Boulderpaw: And I made sure she got a lot of sleep. Falconpaw: HI! Spicepaw: At least she’s speaking today……. Eaglefoot: Well, Falconpaw, what do you think about arithmetic? Spicepaw: He means math. Falconpaw: Stinky. Eaglefoot: How about science? Falconpaw: Poop. Eaglefoot: And art? Falconpaw: Stinky poop. Eaglefoot: I AM GETTING ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE! (Storms offstage) Falconpaw: Eaglefoot is stinky poop in the potty. Spicepaw: No, no, he isn’t. Boulderpaw: *whispering* He kind of is. Silversmoke: Falconpaw, what do you think about love? Falconpaw: Icky! No, no! Bad! Big stinky! Silversmoke: Er, um…...how about……babies? Falconpaw: Soft……………….*stares into space* Silversmoke: Well, I do like......um…..how do you feel about trees? Falconpaw: *staring into space* *speaking as though she is in a trance* Babies……….. Spicepaw: SILVERSMOKE! *yelling angrily* YOU WRECKED HER!!!! Silversmoke: *yelling louder* SHE WAS ALREADY BROKE! *Silversmoke dashes offstage* Emberash: Uh, Falconpaw, why are you talking about babies? Falconpaw: They’re…….*yelling* SOFT! Emberash: *screeching* WELL HOW TO YOU FEEL ABOUT…………PONDS? Falconpaw: Wet. Emberash: How about cheese? Falconpaw: Cheese? Emberash: Never mind…….how about brains? Falconpaw: Smart! Emberash: I’m going to go now…….*slides offstage* Jayeye: Falconpaw, how do you feel about…..whatever. *leaves completely* *Cinnamonwhisker and Parsleymist are gone out of annoyance, and Jackalfur and Petalpelt are nowhere to be seen. By now, all of the hosts are gone, leaving just Spicepaw, Boulderpaw, Hailstar, and a very annoying co-host. In fact, Hailstar has even decided she wanted to leave, so she has disappeared.* Spicepaw: Shall we close the show? Falconpaw: NO! *Spicepaw runs off, leaving only Boulderpaw and Falconpaw.* Boulderpaw: Falconpaw, how do you feel about life? Falconpaw: Ah, Boulderpaw, life, is something that is amazing, true, and unexplainable. It is something that cannot be created by man, cat, dog, or anything, but can be made by God and StarClan. I love life, and hope you do too. *Pads off* Boulderpaw: What………the………Dark Forest……….how is this possible? She’s so…..smart! *Faints, camera cuts* CedarMoss Stars Light Up The Night Sky